On course - Leaders Effectiveness Training

Attending a 3-day course called the L.E.T. Its a model that train democratic, group centered leaders. Final aim is to taps the creative resources and abilities of ALL members, NOT just the leader itself.

Day 1 we go through the concept of the beheaviour window. This allow us to differentiate situational cases into 4 main categories: OTHERS own a problem , NO problem, I own the problem or WE own a problem.

Signal for OTHERS have needs unmet (Have a problem) :
Not usual self , makes mistakes, looks unhappy, self disclosure, cry etc
To understand more the REAL feeling, we need to use ACTIVE LISTENING skills.
A.G.E. - Acceptance / Genuiness / Empathy.

While asking / reaffirming the feeling - Use LEAD-in + feeling asking, once communication started, then ask more about the exact content. (PARAPHRASING)
eg "Seems like you are really concerned about not beling able to meet the deadline."

Beware of communication ROADBLOCKS : eg ORDERING / THREATENING / PREACHING / ADVISING / ARGUING / JUDGING / AGREEING / LABELING / INTEREPTING / REASSURING / INTERROGATING / AVOIDING.

These roadblocks, however can be used in the NO PROBLEM situation. When I communicate with friends, we use such skills to poke fun at each others at times and they will have no problem interpreting the intentions...

DAY 2 : I OWN THE PROBLEM
Typical example will be you are disturbed by your roomate loud MP3 music while trying to study, or like myself have lesson interrupted by students who talk loudly during lecture.
(See in such cases - the other party dun have a problem with their beheaviour)

So if the beheaviour is affecting you, then you will need to CONFRONT, to CHANGE OTHER.
3 criteria for effective confrontation:
1. Aim to produce a helpful beheaviour change
2. Low risk of lowering others self esteem
3. Low risk of damaging relation


The art, is by sending a 3 part confrontive I msg:
1st part : non blameful beheaviour description
2nd part : the concrete effect on ME (Time/$$/energy lost...)
3rd : MY PRIMARY FEELING. (AVOID YOU... YOU... YOU...)

eg. When you don't attend the sales meetings, I spend time filling you in on what we discussed, and I started to feel resentful.

Such confrontive I -msg will be very helpful to give you the confidence to START a conversation. The first step in the direction is critical.

The other party may feel sorry / surprised/embarrssed etc..or hurt / upset...and they might start try defending...

Then we need to shift gear into ACTIVE LISTENING to hear them. Concentrate not only the contents but also the FEELING part. Ask more, and send ou tmore "door opener" message to get them talking!!

Then follow up by a 2nd I msg starting by "HOWEVER,.....reinforce the needs that is unmet, the effects on you and your feeling". and listen to feedback....ding dong ding dong. Finally and hopefully, both will come to a state of emotion part = intellect....ready to move on to find a solution.

Day 3 We both own the problem
This is the case where there both parties have needs unmet....Clash of needs etc
examples is like you want to go eat at macdonals but frien want to eat at burger king instead. Or marketing wants to launch the new product but technical dept says the product is not ready.

Key is always use a win - win approach, never resort to POWER (I win).
Lay out both sides needs clearly!! Define the true and underlying needs is important.
Then it's follow up by Brainstorm for alternatives (non critical)
Evaluate the solution (ask : Does this alternative satidfy my needs really?)
the chose appropriate solutions (mutual, and opt for best)
Implement (wjo does what and by when)
Check results and open for revision

Iit's important to recognise VALUES COLLISION. When you and the other person strongly disagree on a certain issue yet no tengible benefits is affected. Like my son support Chelsea but I support Man Utd. Religion / personal values are most common aspect of such collisions.

I personally see such as No problem myself.

Last but not least, in the NO PROBLEM area, we can also send out I-msg to help bring our feeling across to others. Like APPRECIATIVE I msg / PREVENTIVE I-msg.