五代同堂小聚

It's Uni application ending time and holiday, so it's also the best time to gather the small circle of special people to a lunch gathering. If not once work/school started or the the project attachment begin, then it will be really difficult to gather them together for a meal.

1st generation winner CY is graduating soon from NUS Chemistry in 5 weeks time. Thanks to her, her juniors are enjoying the fruits to inspiring the movement. She is now also seriously considering to be a inspector madam in the police force. Hopefully can can cancel some of my parking fines in the future years. :)

2nd generation winner Cow girl also entering her last year in Psychology, er I mean Materials Eng in NTU. She will be starting her final year project soon and with a preferred partner and seemingly easy project on the plate, looks like she will be having a relative enjoyable final year in NTU. No wonder she have the mood to sing K so often nowadays.

3rd generation winner CX is mugging hard at CBE NTU. She is also the 1st student in CPT who won the scholarship in CBE. So far her hard work is paying off and just about meeting the scholarship requirements. But I guess she is very safe now as she just have to carry a pen knife to school and NTU will not dare to mention any thing about the minimum GPA issue.

The new addition to the circle this year is XY. She is entering NTU CBC soon. (4 winners and in 4 different courses, quite diversified group actually). Also the first Singaporean too. She is also in my Specialty Chem class so membership does have its advantages :). Hopefully the Ca ion tablets she sold me will improve my immuenity and fence off the H1N1 flue bugs.

Hopefully, all 4 of them can join me in the GT2010 to Penang/Langkawi :)

After lunch, as we are leaving the resturant, cow girl is asking the title of my blog. The was she counted: 1st / 2nd/ 3rd / 4th generation...and blur blurly ask me : only 4 generations what, how come 五代同堂??

我懒洋洋的瞪了她一眼， 骂了道：“死没良心的，难道我就不是人吗？”
According to CX's word : I am now the great graet great grandfather!!

P.S. CY : next year hope you can start handling a cheque back to your juinor!! Finally after years of waiting, maybe the financial cycle will start to roll properly and will lessen my load.
全靠你了--！！ OK?? :)

On course - Leaders Effectiveness Training

Attending a 3-day course called the L.E.T. Its a model that train democratic, group centered leaders. Final aim is to taps the creative resources and abilities of ALL members, NOT just the leader itself.

Day 1 we go through the concept of the beheaviour window. This allow us to differentiate situational cases into 4 main categories: OTHERS own a problem , NO problem, I own the problem or WE own a problem.

Signal for OTHERS have needs unmet (Have a problem) :
Not usual self , makes mistakes, looks unhappy, self disclosure, cry etc
To understand more the REAL feeling, we need to use ACTIVE LISTENING skills.
A.G.E. - Acceptance / Genuiness / Empathy.

While asking / reaffirming the feeling - Use LEAD-in + feeling asking, once communication started, then ask more about the exact content. (PARAPHRASING)
eg "Seems like you are really concerned about not beling able to meet the deadline."

Beware of communication ROADBLOCKS : eg ORDERING / THREATENING / PREACHING / ADVISING / ARGUING / JUDGING / AGREEING / LABELING / INTEREPTING / REASSURING / INTERROGATING / AVOIDING.

These roadblocks, however can be used in the NO PROBLEM situation. When I communicate with friends, we use such skills to poke fun at each others at times and they will have no problem interpreting the intentions...

DAY 2 : I OWN THE PROBLEM
Typical example will be you are disturbed by your roomate loud MP3 music while trying to study, or like myself have lesson interrupted by students who talk loudly during lecture.
(See in such cases - the other party dun have a problem with their beheaviour)

So if the beheaviour is affecting you, then you will need to CONFRONT, to CHANGE OTHER.
3 criteria for effective confrontation:
1. Aim to produce a helpful beheaviour change
2. Low risk of lowering others self esteem
3. Low risk of damaging relation


The art, is by sending a 3 part confrontive I msg:
1st part : non blameful beheaviour description
2nd part : the concrete effect on ME (Time/$$/energy lost...)
3rd : MY PRIMARY FEELING. (AVOID YOU... YOU... YOU...)

eg. When you don't attend the sales meetings, I spend time filling you in on what we discussed, and I started to feel resentful.

Such confrontive I -msg will be very helpful to give you the confidence to START a conversation. The first step in the direction is critical.

The other party may feel sorry / surprised/embarrssed etc..or hurt / upset...and they might start try defending...

Then we need to shift gear into ACTIVE LISTENING to hear them. Concentrate not only the contents but also the FEELING part. Ask more, and send ou tmore "door opener" message to get them talking!!

Then follow up by a 2nd I msg starting by "HOWEVER,.....reinforce the needs that is unmet, the effects on you and your feeling". and listen to feedback....ding dong ding dong. Finally and hopefully, both will come to a state of emotion part = intellect....ready to move on to find a solution.

Day 3 We both own the problem
This is the case where there both parties have needs unmet....Clash of needs etc
examples is like you want to go eat at macdonals but frien want to eat at burger king instead. Or marketing wants to launch the new product but technical dept says the product is not ready.

Key is always use a win - win approach, never resort to POWER (I win).
Lay out both sides needs clearly!! Define the true and underlying needs is important.
Then it's follow up by Brainstorm for alternatives (non critical)
Evaluate the solution (ask : Does this alternative satidfy my needs really?)
the chose appropriate solutions (mutual, and opt for best)
Implement (wjo does what and by when)
Check results and open for revision

Iit's important to recognise VALUES COLLISION. When you and the other person strongly disagree on a certain issue yet no tengible benefits is affected. Like my son support Chelsea but I support Man Utd. Religion / personal values are most common aspect of such collisions.

I personally see such as No problem myself.

Last but not least, in the NO PROBLEM area, we can also send out I-msg to help bring our feeling across to others. Like APPRECIATIVE I msg / PREVENTIVE I-msg.

The thing I missed most....

Being a parent, entering the PSLE year for your kid is no fun. The school is kia su, the teachers in school is kia su, the wife is kia si, and of course I am kia boh. That means I have to act kia su also.

Plenty of assessment to work on, and in my opinion, they are not given enough chance to reflect where they go wrong...but just simply do more ...do more....Teachers pass out assignments and never go through properly in class, rather, the task now is dump upon the parents to ensure the assignment are completed and pass up in time.

Comes school holiday...50% of the time my son need to go back to school for extra revision class. If there is any time left...that will be music classes / practise / drawing / english tuition etcetc. No chance to bring him out for a day outing...sad....

Everyday when I reach home, will have to mark his assignment done during the day and go through the mistakes he has made. Science and Maths both subjects. Funny he is not getting better with the assignments...serioulsy speaking I am getting abit sick too...but no choice...PSLE year...have to be kia su. Meanwhile...do 1 more assignmemt....


I think the relief will come after October, when the PSLE exams are finally over. Then I can maybe clear my leave and spend some time with him, free of the school work, just simply have fun and play. Meanwhile, just hang on there...and do 1 more assignment.


OH I MISSED PLAYING WITH MY SON!!!!

Singapore Last Kampong

Last Sunday I brought my son for the arts club holiday drawing outing....the location - Singapore Last kampong - Kampong Lorong Buangkok. Surprisingly the place is only 5 mins drive away from NYP - off Yio Chu Kang rd.


This landed kampong belonged t0 an old lady, who have refused to sell off the land for years...eventually she finally was persuaded to sell and land and the fate of the kampong is now sealed - they will be torn down soon and it caught the news and then suddenly there is a rush to visit the Singapore last kampong before it finally disappear to make way for development.


So with the permission of the land lord lady, we went into the kampong and see for ourselves the actual condition of the kampong...and spend 3 hours inside for drawing lesson for the children.


Less than a stone's throw across the monsoon drain - private landed property....what a contrust to the rundown rural state of the kampong.


Televsion seems to be the highest technology item in the kampong.



Had afew mosquitoes bites despite putting on OFF!...but still its a worth the trip. :)